Shouldering the Weight: The Emotional Burden High School Teachers Carry

I seriously LOVE high schoolers–it’s the high schoolers that make me love teaching. I wouldn’t love teaching if I was thwarted into a middle or elementary classroom, I know that. I’m sure many of you share my sentiments. High schoolers are essentially adults who are just beginning to figure out how to navigate all the things on their own. And we get a front-row seat to the show. We also play a major role in our students’ lives and development and because they’re older, we’re often told at some point how appreciative they are of us. There truly isn’t a better feeling than knowing how much you’re helping a student through something; it makes all the extra stuff worth it. 

What people don’t prepare you for is the weight you start to carry as students begin to trust you. I have always had students who have had difficulties or struggles, it’s part of the human experience, but in the last few years especially, the amount of students who are truly experiencing some form of trauma is startling and overwhelming. As high school teachers who see somewhere between 90 and 150 students EVERY DAY, holding a space for any student who feels comfortable enough to share with you their experiences or struggles can take a toll on you.

I have driven home from school sobbing from what students share with me, I have spent summers endlessly looking for solutions for students in need, and I have gone to school during breaks to meet with students who need help. I think the majority of us have been there, and if you are a new teacher, you will be there soon. Like I said earlier, it is the greatest privilege to hold a space for students to feel seen and heard but if you don’t have the proper tools, it can seriously impact your mental and emotional health. 

Here are some things you can do to ensure you’re able to show up and hold that space for your students while simultaneously protecting your energy.

Know your role. If a student comes into your room to talk, before they start, ask them if they are looking for someone to listen or for some advice. Some students just want to unload what’s going through their mind and doing just that is what makes them feel better. I have lost a lot of my free time worrying about and searching for solutions for students who just wanted to unload. So ask them before they start, it will help you see them better. 

Understand that their problems are not yours. This was always a tough thing for me to understand. For the longest time, when a student came to me with a problem or trauma they were experiencing, I took it on to some degree. I instantly felt responsible for trying to help them, save them, and come up with solutions and while that was nice of me, it was to my detriment. You can help a student navigate through an issue or problem they’re having without feeling solely responsible for that said issue/problem. 

Share with discernment. I have always believed that it’s important to show my humanness to my students, so when students shared something I could identify with, I would share (within boundaries) my experience and how I navigated through it. The problem for a while with me though was that I would then relive the trauma of my own experience. Pandora’s box would open up and suddenly I’d feel exactly the way I did in that situation. And that’s when I got some of the best advice. Someone told me to make sure I understood the difference between a scar and a wound: a scar was something that was experienced a while ago that I have fully healed from and have peace with whereas a wound was something that wasn’t quite yet healed within myself. It was still raw to the touch. It is important to note the difference between the two and to only share the experiences that have already become wounds–the ones you are at peace with. 

Learn this phrase. The greatest phrase I’ve ever learned: “That must not feel good.” How many times have you just wanted someone to acknowledge how much something sucks? We all want to feel seen, heard and understood. This is one of the greatest lines you can share with your students. 

Take care of yourself. There is a common theme here at Tools to Teach but nothing else can happen to the best of our ability unless we take care of ourselves and show up for ourselves first. This means getting good quality rest (even if you can’t get a lot of rest, getting quality rest), hydrating, moving our bodies, and working on our mindset. All of this helps us not only show up for our students but also protects us from the impact our students’ experiences can have on us.

Being an effective and impactful high school teacher is not for the faint of heart. It requires a level of empathy, resiliency, patience, and kindness that so many people are lacking in the world. If you are working with teenagers right now, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. Your students need people like you who care and can offer support during a period of life that is hard. 

There’s so much you offer to your students, thank you for showing up for them, you are changing the world by doing so.